EXPANDING GRATITUDE

On Thanksgiving, usually before an extraordinarily large dinner followed by a piece of pie – or two – we reflect on what we’re thankful for. This is a good thing, as it opens our hearts to each other and the realization of how blessed we are.

If giving thanks is such a good thing, why is it so difficult to do on a regular basis? One reason may be that we get used to what we have. We are, after all, highly adaptive, so it makes sense that we would adjust to the unlimited amount of food at our disposal, new clothes on a regular basis, and as much bling as we care to sport on any given day…

It seems however, that forgetting to give thanks is just the tip of the iceberg. Often, we go a step further and complain to ourselves and others about all sorts of things that seem less than perfect. A grumpy partner, the number on the scale, or difficult co-worker can take over the mind with negative, heavy thoughts and the physical symptoms that accompany such thoughts.  

I recently stumbled upon the book, Zero Limits by Joe Vitale and Dr. Hew Len. The book shares a Hawaiian philosophy of healing called Ho’oponopono. I found this approach to naturally increase gratitude in everyday life.

The method is simple, yet profound. Ho’oponopono suggests that each time you encounter something or someone that bothers you – regardless of whether if affects you directly or not – that you say the following four phrases:

 I love you

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

You are not saying it to the person or situation, but to the divine within; to the life that flows through you, yet is restricted each time you react to a situation with stress, judgment or distain.

These four phrases have the power to keep you open, even when everything in you wants to recoil – to literally draw back, shrink back, as in alarm, horror or disgust. While this definition of recoiling may sound harsh, it accurately describes what most of us experience each time we perceive negativity.

As you say the above phrases to yourself, you feel your body relax and expand, or open within. Opening from within also happens to be the physical reaction that occurs in response to gratitude. Imagine how your life would change if you were able to stay open rather than constrict each time something displeasing came into your awareness?

Perhaps the feelings of gratitude that we often reserve for Thanksgiving Day can be expanded this month. The tools offered us by Ho’oponopono make it simple. Next time you’re in traffic and tempted to curse in the privacy of your own car, try saying “I love you” instead. Notice how your body relaxes and energy flows, as if your favorite song just came on the radio.

When your child/partner/friend makes you crazy, mentally apologize, and watch how your annoyance melts as your heart opens.

If inner peace isn’t enough motivation to say, “I love you” when you get cut off in traffic, we can talk about how staying open increases your power of attraction. Remaining open to life yields abundance. It is not your gorgeous skin and eyes that make you magnetic, but the life energy contained within you that is attractive. The more open you can remain, the easier it is for life to continue to flow. Opportunities and blessings sprout up at each turn, as if thanking you for feeding your surroundings even when you’re tempted to cut off supply.

This approach takes us beyond positive thinking. Rather than trying to exert mental control, we invite life energy, which has inherent order and healing properties to go before us and “make the crooked places straight.”

The bigger picture is that life energy is transformative. Staying open to it is our only hope of making things better, both within ourselves, and in the world around us. Perhaps it’s a good time to give it a try – I have a feeling you’ll be surprised and amazed by the grace that follows.

Energy coaching is a specialty form of life coaching. Energy coach and psychotherapist, Kimberly Kingsley teaches how to untangle from unhealthy patterns that rob our energy and keep us stuck. Transforming patterns, such as relationship challenges, negative thinking and bad habits is renewing, and naturally leads to personal growth. Kimberly Kingsley is the author of Opening to Life: Reconnecting with Your Internal Source of Energy, Wisdom and Joy, and upcoming book, The Energy Cure: How to Recharge Your Life 30 Seconds at a Time (Career Press/New Page Books, Jan. 2008). www.kimberlykingsley.com